Hilarious! Nigerian Superstars as Diseases…by Chris Ogunlowo | Welcome to Linda Ikeji's Blog

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Wednesday 29 October 2014

Hilarious! Nigerian Superstars as Diseases…by Chris Ogunlowo

I saw this article on thenet.ng written by Chris Ogunlowo and I found it so hilarious that I had to share it here. It's famous Nigerians as diseases. Enjoy below...
1. Wizkid Syndrome: A chronic tendency to create catchy and repetitive hits to a loyal fan base with a boyish charm that induces envy from peers and late-bloomers, which also hides the fact, that one is approaching quarter-life. 
2. Davidotis: A psychiatric condition whereby a sufferer survives speculations of whether genuine talent or one’s father’s wealth is the source of one’s success, alongside a pervading comparison with an equally talented whiz-kid.
3. Tuface Syndrome: A rare syndrome that occurs when prodigious talent meets prodigious baby-making ability but with a legendary status, strong social equity and a staying power that keep a whole industry in awe.

 4. D’banj Obsessive Disorder: A disease characterized by the feeling that one’s best days are firmly behind and, as a result, one looks for outlets to compensate for fading stardom and income, including taking relief in farming-

5. Dangotiosis: A condition marked by an obsession with Dangote‘s wealth, only curable by a decision to mind one’s own business.

6. Lindapilepsy: A strong and strange resentment that occurs when news of Linda Ikeji’s wealth arises, which is commonly observed among struggling publicists, jealous digital marketers, hungry journalists, and retired or rival bloggers.

7. Iyanyamariasis: The abnormal ability of a cell to spot errors in its former ways before proceeding to create a trademark style that takes waist gyrations to nerve-racking heights with performances worthy of Mr. Universe Pageantry.

8. Tontolitis: The debilitating ability to sustain fame in an erratic way as it was acquired while still smiling to the bank.

9. PSquarisasis: When two malignant cells take the understanding of a market to unprecedented heights resulting in a dominance previously thought impossible and doing it with a discernible Igbo accent.

10. Don Jazzy Disorder: A disorder that makes an organ produce back-to-back hits and maintain a social equity that can embarrass pastors and politicians, including a social media addiction and an idiosyncratic singing style that impresses.

11. Kceeosis: A cell’s ability to confuse celebrity with a right to make embarrassing wardrobe choices and a knack for coming out even more horrendous than a previous time despite public outcry and bile from popular bloggers.

12. Jenniferiasis: The ability of an organ to exhibit behavior that would ordinarily be considered razz to a point where the lines between acting and reality are blurred but compensated with popular adulation and brand endorsements.

13. MIplasia: A type of dwarfism that compensates the lack of bone growth with incredible rhyming prowess and a persona capable of inducing endless admiration and beef from hustling rappers.

14. Ice Prince Cerebral Cramps: A disorder that causes exaggerated hip-hop postures, a rigid conformity to infantile end-rhymes that turn rap songs into mainstream classics and also results in multiple awards than most “serious” rappers.

15. Mode Complex: An affliction that causes an artist to be the default reference for prodigious & clever wordplay that, sadly, does not correlate with the amount of albums sold or account balance, a living proof of the saying: ‘grammar no be money’.

16. Dakolomentality: A rare psychotic disorder that inflicts a sufferer with unlimited guttural talent but indistinctive brand positioning & packaging.

17. Olamide Palsy: A malignant tumor that involves a blatant display of one’s ethnicity and background combined with traits mostly reserved for touts but interestingly made into a premium musical package that surprises earlier sufferers of the same tumor who faded into obscurity.

18. Phynognomy: A severe condition similar to Olamide Palsy but with an Igbo flair and an ability to turn what would have been a bad hair day for most into a phenomenal signature look.

19. Bella Naija Syndrome: An affliction whereby the Nigerian national man-hour is spent keeping track of who wore what to where until one wakes up to the reality of a wasted lifetime.

20. Kedike Syndrome: A syndrome that causes a sufferer to endure a clean image despite the presence of a latent sexuality which experts guess might lead to a Rihanna Crisis or, in the extreme, a psychiatric condition of Miley Cyrus proportions....

Read More at thenet.ng/2014/10/nigerian-superstars-as-diseases-by-chris-ogunlowo/ Follow us: @theNETng on Twitter | theNETng on Facebook

122 comments:

seunLondon said...

After a long and hectic day, this post officially made my day lmao...#SeunLondon

Unknown said...

Hilarious but creative
Nice one

BORN TO SHINE!!!

Anonymous said...

GENIUS!!!

Anonymous said...

Dbanj disorder just killed me. SO TRUE!

Joshtech said...

Nice one bt to me it make no sense. Disease is terrible and deadly thing STOp it is nt funny

SANDRA said...

LMAO. D'banj, p-square nd Kcee's re terribly funny.

ujunwa said...

lol.. am off to bed, Good night Lib

Unknown said...

a.k.a EDWIN CHINEDU AZUBUKO said...
.
Childish stupid and senseless.....
.
.
***CURRENTLY IN JUPITER***

Unknown said...

funny but brilliant.. i really. dig d olammide palsy. lolss

Unknown said...

dis person took is time to do this...Brain work

Anonymous said...

The person that wrote this is the sickest and most diseased of all the patients!!!! Oniranu oshi, o maa n se banta banta, ode.

Unknown said...

And am sure the writer of this post is suffering from ETCETERIASISM: a condition that makes one leaves his first love of singing and go into wiritng bout stuffs that do not concern him.

bayo said...

I salute ur writing skills. This person must be a genius

Unknown said...

Lol...Tuface,d'banj ,kcee, bella naija.....funniest

matleby said...

Hilarious

ary said...

Creative and I am sure a product of oke efe!

Anonymous said...

this man ia actually a psycho-paralytic, joblessnesstic, analytical animal with a focusless directionalistical point of view but an attentional seeker idiot. go and confuse ya mama. yeye chris obote. just a sheer display of stupidity and wasted years in school. next news pls.

SkiWeezy said...

I know you only posted this cos ur name was mentioned... Heheheehehehe!!!

Didn't find anything Hilarious though???

Anonymous said...

Chai, absolutely hilarious! My joke of the day. Lol @ dakolomentality.

Alloy Chikezie said...

Lol. Really hilarious.


Your comment will be visible after approval

APPLELIPX said...

Hahahah... I had to read it over and over
Chei!!! So true. Especially

@dbanj, belle naija, iceprince who of course is over rated..

I jst tank God someone also views kcee's wardrobe choice d way I do. Dat dude is a poor dresser.

Iceprince n wizkid are more of fashion icons in d industry cos unlike kcee, pple always end up imitating dier baf up like d present ghana made ankara used by wizzy in his latest video n iceprince's aboki baf up in aboki video dat went viral till morro

Its realy hilarous... nt forgetin lindapilepsy

Anonymous said...

Rubbish. Nigga stop going off your pills.

Anonymous said...

So funny!

Unknown said...

Eyya! People should leave D'banj alone na, yes his best days are over free him bikonu lol

Anonymous said...

You are very childish! You and Stella are not on the same level as she is way more matured than you. Grow up!

Anonymous said...

E be like say na DJD dey worry me o.hehe

Beautiful butterfly said...

OMG!! I think I have Bella Nija syndrome.....

Anonymous said...

So hilarious...

DENNIS said...

Keeceosis is the funnest.. Looool

Anonymous said...

Ok #bright bravo#

Anonymous said...

LMAO....daJax

BONARIO NNAGS said...

Looolz so funny,trust Lindiway to love it,coz he spoke good of you.

~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA LUMIA

EbonyAma said...

Interesting. What of EbonyAmasis?

Anonymous said...

Lol @ mode complex...'Grammar nor be money'

Anonymous said...

Hahahahaha rotfl

Anonymous said...

Funny! Love dz,wc 1 b ma own o?

Anonymous said...

its kinda funny bt its damn true!

Anonymous said...

Simply Awesome!!!

Anonymous said...

Outstanding!!!

Anonymous said...

A bonairo - somone who is jobless but rents a roof under LIB and makes money from it once in 3years.



@lwkmd_naija
(Twitter/Ig)

Debbie Chelsea said...

Hahahahahahahaha....my Dbanj oooooo....jeez

Anonymous said...

This is serious.....where can we find the anti-dote??????

Bunny said...

Wow! Impressive. From this they should know where they're right or wrong

Anonymous said...

I dey confuse..but I think I know were he's going..chaaii..when we go learn??stil confuse ooo

Anonymous said...

Nawa oooo..I don dey feel headache..d person Wey write dis tin understand wetin he write sef??

Anonymous said...

Lol..the Iyanyamariasis almost got me mad..Buhahahaha

Anonymous said...

Dumb! How won't u post it Linda, when the person finished washin and rinsing u! Bet if he or she insulted u, it won't find its way here. So many ass kissers out there!

Ebube God said...

This boy abi na man no go kill person with laugh ooo na Dbanj own bad "taking relief in farming".hahahahaha

Unknown said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahah

dayo said...

Not fuNny

Anonymous said...

he's a clown...

Anonymous said...

Tee

Dbanj obsessive disorder the only disease with insults attached to it while most of these mindless bloggers are grappling he is continously smiling to the bank and richer than everyone in your lineage put together while most of u shallow minded bigots only concern yourselves with gossip he is actually making big moves to create employment for african youth through agriculture the bitter truth is on international scene most of u dont matter simply because u contribute nothing lastly linda is tiwas friend who hates dbanj so no wonder she will approve these cheap shots dude get a proper job n get a life

Unknown said...

D guy get time o for this research....lol

Highly-Favoured said...

Funny but brilliant analysis.

LGM said...

Dis is so hilarious esp Dakolo n mode9...lmao

THE ACT OF SEX said...

Lindaepesy is too much, someone was fuming on another blog the other day that she won't visit Linda's blog bcos its making her rich, sheer jealousy.

Lindodo do your thing God is with.

Get your dildos and vibrators, make love to your woman and make her achieve orgasm. 7FD74D92

Unknown said...

This is hilarious.

Unknown said...

looool. please visit my blog www.udokajane.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

One word,crazy

Anonymous said...

That serves them right

Evil On Earth

Unknown said...

Hahaha...quite creative!

complete said...

Linda e sure me die say na u pay dis guy write this stuff...why u dey diss bella naija?

Chy 🌹 said...

Hahahahahahahaha..this is damn hilarious..so so on Point..The vivid descriptions are EPIC
Pls visit my blog

Chinwenmeri.blogspot.com

Unknown said...

im satisfied with mode complex

Anonymous said...

this guy gt plenty time o

Anonymous said...

OMG!!!!This is so hilarious i realli like the linda ikeji virus cuz i think i have it

Demola said...

1:- chris Ogunlowo disorder : this is a severe condition which leads to unusual write up and discovery of talent , creative with words as a result of being jobless.
Still { I DON'T MIND MA BUSINESS }
U TRY MR CHRIS ..nice one

Eugenia said...

Don't be so pained u hear. U must not like her. Respect ur elders, and make sure u don't come after me.

Anonymous said...

I don't find it hilarious. Na dry joke. But e sweet you, Linda, because you agree with am on the one when e talk about you. Na so.

Unknown said...

...LWKMD

Anonymous said...

Bros calm down na...

Annie said...

Were you forced to read the post? Go to your Stella na. That Stella is so unprofessional and fake. Tried following up her blog one time but she's just a total turn-off.. Only 200naria airtime is what is keeping you guys glued to her blog. Mtchhewww

Anonymous said...

Whoever came up with these must be suffering from Joblessnessia..

Unknown said...

A million likes for this comment!

Anonymous said...

Lawd!!! Who is this Demola, I dey feel ur comments gan, nice one hahahaha..

Anonymous said...

This guy get plenty time shaa!
Twit @successralu

Eugiana said...

Lmao , this dude is so funny , 4th time am reading his comment.. Na true jobless person write all that.. But his creative like you said .

Unknown said...

I actually think Bellanaija is more informative than this blog.

HRH May said...

Then again I say Nigerians are the best... (phone on silent mode, lights out, under the blanket wrapped in my hubby's arms...goodnight pple)

Fashion Style said...

Lolz...u guyz don dey dull me o...make we get 1 for Linda nw..mine na...Lindiosis..;-)

Anonymous said...

HMmmm notin made me laff.... #Iam Kendiee

Felix Bolaji said...

Lolz...u guyz don dey dull me o...make we get 1 for Linda nw..mine na...Lindiosis..;-)

Ellajohn said...

Lolzzz it sure looks like the handwork of etc.
Faceoflib.

Anonymous said...

Aloofar your support of LIB has paid off. Means there's hope with Eku Edewor

Unknown said...

People really get tym.

Anonymous said...

boring. the guy should look for something better to do. hes suffering from joblessniasm....! *hiss

Unknown said...

i love that one of , DBANJ and TUFACE LMAOOO

jide_xl said...

am tired of u all baba dbanj makes so much money and is so much popular that he has his own custom made beat headset that will be on sale before the end of the year chai.. people

Anonymous said...

Na Linda own sweet me pass. Rock on my dearest Linda, flaunt n enjoy ur wealth Na ur sweat... Haters gonna hate!

cherrykoko

Anonymous said...

I came here looking for the definition of DENRELE PHYCHOTIC DISORDER. I am disappointed. Lol!

Anonymous said...

Matured ke?

Anonymous said...

Punctuation marks are your friend. Learn to use them....even while kissing arse.....mtcheeeew

surshima samuel said...

This write up is funny but this comment......m.hahhahahhahahhahha, Emmanuel thanks for this comment

Unknown said...

I don't see any sense of humor...but rather insulting to an extent.

Human Being said...

Comment of the Day

Emmanuel Adeyanju said...

And am sure the writer of this post is suffering from ETCETERIASISM: a condition that makes one leaves his first love of singing and go into wiritng bout stuffs that do not concern him.
October 29, 2014 at 9:46 PM

Human Being said...

Comment of the Day

Emmanuel Adeyanju said...

And am sure the writer of this post is suffering from ETCETERIASISM: a condition that makes one leaves his first love of singing and go into wiritng bout stuffs that do not concern him.
October 29, 2014 at 9:46 PM

Anonymous said...

i don't like the way this dude talked about dbanj...He is way better than that...idiot

Anonymous said...

Dbanj did what ur so loving don jazzy can't ever do in his life-time even if he releases hit back to back...Foolish comparison!!!

Anonymous said...

WIZKID WILL SOON FADE OUT. PRIDE COMES BEFORE A FALL. HE AND IYANYA BELONG TO THE SAME CLUB.
CHECK OUT THEIR LATEST RELEASE.
THEY ARE GOING DOWN BUT PRIDE WILL NOT ALLOW THEM TO SEEK ADVICE ON HOW TO LIFT THEMSELVES.

CSA1559 said...

Na wa o....intelligent though

CSA1559 said...

Na wa o..intelligent though

Anonymous said...

LMAO... very hilarious n creative.. thumbs up to the fellow.

- Bliss

Unknown said...

That Kcee's disease funny die

Unknown said...

Can't stop laughing. funny and makes lil sense sha

Fiery Ray said...

This post is funny but the poster couldn't hide his hatred for some artistes like D'banj. Dude is balling big time with heavy rollers like Bill gates, Jona and Bono. Watched dude on youtube recently making a presentation in a world bank forum and was very much impressed. Most of the other Nigerian artistes you're famzing will never be able to attain the feat this year alone. While you're busy hating dude is getting love 'n making benjamins in the international scene. Check this out, dude is Apple's "beats by Dre" Ambassador for all of Africa. You can only imagine what the endorsement is worth in U$Ds.

Anonymous said...

O boy girls dey here o! Hmhm guyz y una dey shout upon each other now ehn...after u finish just pass ajegunle come bolajiblog.wordpress.com..abeg no bring disease come o...thanks guyz as you click on that site..b4 I go...I hail una o!

Subomi said...

very creative... but, not that funny tbh

Anonymous said...

Now that is an article with a touch of class, hilarious but creative, strange but with realistic facts. Absolutely awesome.

Unknown said...

Awesome

M. Anam said...

That Kacee jab funny well but very true. Linda, you sabi represent. carry go my dear... nothing do you!

Chris Ogunlowoplepsy said...

Chrisogunlowoplepsy - a rare but (common amongst the multitudes)form of disease that gets its victim sitting on other peoples matter and claim to be earning a living doing that.

adedheddie said...

truly hilarious

Ade said...

truly hilarious

Ade said...

truly hilarious

Anonymous said...

"Just 200 naira airtime is what is keeping u guyz glued 2 her blog"...#rotfl. Dat was a killer blow...u shld av stayed glued 2 Stella coz sum1 else might av just loaded d airtime while making ur comment here!

joy Egbunu said...

Huh?

joy Egbunu said...

U need a radar to locate ur sense of humour! Tnk me later

joy Egbunu said...

Totally agree with u on dis one!

joy Egbunu said...

My Gawd! This is Epic! ROTFL

Demon, Yes i know said...

Quite dead i must say. Oh well, he's on the blog. He has fulfilled destiny. ( ._.)

Anonymous said...

Where's your sense of humor? Why are you taking it so personal

Akpo'Diddie Patricia Uyeh said...

This got me cracking up.Who came up with this idea?

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